The Funny Scam Job

 

I was once a victim of those fly-by-night job vacancy office in Manila. You know the scenario. They have the small ads in the major dailies. Usually, they posted all kinds of clerical jobs. The office has just one desk and a chair. You would fill out in a 1/4 sheet size of the application form of your basic bio-data. Then you would attach your “cedula”. You would be given a series of tests, and once you pass them, the job is yours. That is, if you didn’t realize yet you would be scammed.

One of the tests, at least in my case, was to sell discount coupons redeemable from the big Department Stores the likes of Shoemart or Good Earth around Ermita, Escolta, and Sta. Cruz, Manila. From the looks of those mimeographed coupons, no way it would be honored by these big establishments. Or, they would test you to sell bottles of unknown soft drinks or juice. At the orientation, they warned you that you have to return at the office at the end of the office hours or the next day. If not, you would be hunted down and put you in jail.

Their hold on you would be your “cedula” that you have left with them with your address. And you would try to sell those defective products. Some would return to the office and remit their sales, most of which come from selling to their own kin or relatives. Eventually, you would never pass the test and you would quit.

I didn’t want to haul those bottle drinks to peddle so I chose the coupons to throw outside. Heck, if they hunt me down. They can have it. I’ll just get a new one.

As if I never learned my lesson well, I was seduced by Tabog and Pepit, my neighborhood friends, to apply for a job in Manila. I didn’t know why I couldn’t say no to them, although as always when we’re together we’re tuned in for disaster. We were the three musketeers of disaster, so to speak.

We found this Courier-like kiosk in Raon Street at Sta Cruz, Manila, which was looking for Messenger.

The one who interviewed us, who should really wear deodorant, said, “What we require for this is job is wit, determination, and stamina. But before we hire you, we will give you a series of test”.

Now, here we were again with these tests. I almost backed out because I knew where this going. But Tabog and Pepit, as this was their first adventure in job hunting, seemed so interested.

“As we needed one Messenger real quick, I will just give you one test. If anyone can convince me which is the fastest thing in this world, he would get the job,” said the interviewer.

I was quick in my feet. I said, “Thought”.

“Thought…? Why is that?”

“Because, Sir, “Thought” just burst out in your head. “

“Hmm”. The interviewer seemed to agree. Then he asked Pepit.

Pepit who licked his lips constantly said “‘light’, Sir,”. And to prove his point, He flicked the close open switch of the interview room.
,

“Oh yeah. That was fast,” the smelly interviewer agreed. “How about you,” he asked Tabog.

“Diarrhea, Sir”.

“What! Are you insane? You cannot get the job with that kind of answer”. I didn’t know why he smelled even worse with that outburst.

Among the three of us, Tabog is the street smart ass. I knew he was onto something.

“I am serious Sir. You see, Sir, I felt my tummy grumbling one time, and I raced to the toilet and before I even “Think” and switched on the “Lights” I already shit in my pants.

Tabog got the job.

Pepit and I were astounded when we saw him the next day and said to us, he was asked to deliver tons of Flyers in a big bag and walk through the whole vicinity of Ermita, Manila. And he was not paid because, he didn’t deliver them all. He quit. Tabog becomes another casualty of that kind of job scam.